With the new laws in South Africa regarding spanking kids, and because my wife and I brought up two kids who are both bright and well mannered, I decided to write the 12 Rules to Bringing up Kids Without Spanking


1 Children are not animals. The have a capacity to understand just like you and me.

2. Always treat children with respect and never talk down to them as if they are inferior. They will feel left out want to get back at you for this.

3. Talk to your child a lot and be his FRIEND and ADVISER, not his slave master or keeper.

4. Explain economics of a home top your child at young age and do it so that he gets it and understands. Let the child help you with the budget once or twice and see for himself how you money works.

5. Set a good example to the child. Don’t be telling him to refrain from some activity or behavior if you yourself cannot refrain from it.

6. Have definite and fair house and family rules. They must be reasonable and easy to understand and follow.

7. Only reward the child when he is productive and contributes to life around him. Points systems and graphs work well for this. Keep them in a public area in the house, like on the fridge next to the house rules. Refer to it if the child wants or needs something.

8. Only penalize the child if he or she has transgressed the rules of the home. Never penalize because of someone else’s transgressions.

9. Give the child chores and work to do around the home. Some must require some actual physical labour.

10. Always have the kid involved in a sport or some kind of competitive activity. Again only reward the wins and not just participation. Participation can be acknowledged of course.

11. Find out what the child’s interests are and support that. If the child does not have an obvious interest, then help the child find something that interests the child. Only introduce the child to these interests, do not choose them for him.

12. let the child help whenever he or she is willing even if it means it will hinder your project that you are busy with. Children love to be part of the family and feel like a contributing member. He they do not feel they are part of it, then it is quite obvious that they will feel like an outsider.

This list could go on and on. I have merely given some successful actions to help you with your child. It may not be easy to start off with but with lot’s of communication and patience, these rules will serve you well.